Mother’s day was really hard for me this year. My mom has been gone for 3 years now and for whatever reason this year, it hit me hard. I knew going to church would be tough for me. I knew the sermon would be about moms and I would be forced to sit with my emotions. As I sat and listened to the sermon, memories just flooded back to me and I cried. I remembered my mom rocking me and singing to me (yes, I DO remember this as a little one), making crafts with me, trying as best she could to help me through the toughest years of high school, and always encouraging me to always be MORE. I come from a family of very strong women, which I am very proud of! I will admit though, when my mom was sick, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless, emotional, and traumatized. My relationship with God was growing though, without me realizing it.
There was a point I had not seen my mom for about 3 weeks, and drove up to NC because she was in the emergency room. I walked in to see her with NO hair, her face puffed up and she was very pale. I was beyond shocked. I did not recognize my mom and I can’t even put into words what this felt like. My sweet aunt comforted me and talked to her like nothing was wrong. I just remember thinking,”what has happened to my mom??” I remember feeling very numb all over and just not knowing what to do.
Being at Duke hospital during this time changed my life. I saw sickness in patients of all ages and their families there sitting with them quietly. This is an experience I would never ever wish on anyone, but I will say, it forced me into a thought process I had never experienced.
Everything is very fast, people want everything, and they want it NOW. They watch celebrities as if they were Gods and almost worship them. People fill their time with tv shows that are mindless, trashy, teach them that lying, being obnoxious and deceitful is okay. Status, popularity, things, money, degrees, the big house, on and on, seem to be what people think make them better. It’s as if our self esteem is wrapped up in what we do and what we have is WHO we are. I will tell you it’s satan’s biggest LIE. If you don’t believe this now, one day you will. Any distraction to get you away from God, his purpose for you and your life, is satan’s plan. For many it works.
So…..Sunday I sat in church and cried. My husband had gotten up to take communion, and I was for a few minutes alone. All of a sudden a girl was sitting next to me asking if she could pray for me. I told her why I was crying and she was so kind, prayed with me and cried WITH me. I had never met this girl, and she went out of her way to comfort a me, to let me know it was going to be okay.
Being self centered in our world is so easy to do, but going out of your way to be kind is much more important. I will tell you, it will give you more satisfaction than any amount of money or prestige that you’ll ever have. We are designed to LOVE each other, to be thoughtful. Take time outside your day to do this. It doesn’t have to be huge. You might be surprised how the tiniest gesture will make someone’s day AND your own.
If you are struggling with your purpose, the direction of your life just know that God’s timing is different from ours. It may not seem like He is listening or there, but I promise, HE IS. Keep going, keep trying, be kind along the way, and keep praying. Your eyes will be opened and your path will be obvious. I could write a book on this! I can look back and see doors that opened AND shut because of the direction I was supposed to go in. And, hardships and difficulties will always happen. This doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you or you are a bad person. It’s life. It teaches us what is really important and to know that everything in this world is temporary. God will always be there, always love you, no matter what.
I hope this helps someone today! I just felt I needed to post this, maybe for a specific person? I am not sure, just following my heart!